First Bloom...

Hello and welcome to my blog.

This isn’t my first blog. My old one fell into discontent ages ago, mainly I think due to immaturity. I was young and I pretty much joined the blog bandwagon along with hundreds of others in a cyber community for teenagers. During those days, I strayed a lot from my own way of thinking, writing so that people would read. Maybe add a comment.

The old one pretty much bumped out as time went by. The contents, the accessories, the groups it was in, the whole blog grew into something that just wasn’t me. Not the real me. It became a... well not so much a façade. More a farce. I had to stop before I don’t recognize me anymore.

So I’m making a new start on online journals. I never really had a need for blogs. Or journals, for that matter. I didn’t want to because I’m very much a private person. Immensely. If you ask my own parents 20 questions of what they think they know about me, they’ll get wrong two thirds of it.

My... uh, privacy, is a side effect of my childhood. Of course.

I had a super terrific childhood. I was spoiled, the third child with three siblings and hard-working parents. I like to cry and joke a lot. I took nothing serious and, as Ayah always tells me, I took much of my life for granted. I know I do, but I just can’t seem to change it.

I got used to being what I do, being in the system of sleeping off worries instead of tackling the problems that caused then, then shouting quietly in private. In the end, nothing gets done and resources had been wasted. At my age, I’m institutionalized. If I were to fill out a confession after being injected with truth serum, I would put ‘Occupation: Extremely lazy addict.”

Don’t get too much emphasis on it. The imagination is a good thing (I’ll even pat God on the back for giving it to mankind) but I’m not stupid. If I ever get broke, I know how to get work. A work with no future maybe, no offense to anyone who ever had been broke, I do apologize. But my needs are simple.

Work, eat and sleep. If it’s available, take it. If it’s not, screw it. And if you have to do something illegal to get it, do it quietly and leave no trace. Okay, if I ever had to resort to that, maybe I am stupid. Smart or stupid, I never really know what category I’m in. Not even during primary school. I got switched back and forth between the ‘smart students’ and ‘stupid students’ class. Attention disorder maybe.

Those were the little schooldays. I’m still at school, though the tertiary level. I should have graduated ages ago. In fact, I’m not sure if I’ll ever graduate. There’s a six-year limit I think, to how long you can stay as a student. I’m not sure. Again, attention disorder.

Not good for me. Even worse bad for my family, parents particularly. My folks don’t have a lot of kids. Just one boy, then a girl then me and then a genius (yes, male).

It might sound a good lot of kids (if you’re, heh, a Japanese maybe) but it’s pretty average if you count all my family members on my maternal side. The first two have already begun producing money and babies. Well, my sister is. My brother (an Arsenal fanatic I might say) is sort of living with my sister’s family until he made more money or married a rich girl, whichever comes first.

That’s my family. I will refer them from father to mother to brother to sister to younger brother as Ayah, Mak, Arsenal, MySis and Genius because I’m that kind of person. I may not care what people think of me but I’m pretty sure my peeps don’t want to get my dirt near them by crying out their real names. Besides, this blog is all about my thoughts and I have to get to call them whatever I like.

What’s with the name? If I were a guy, this would probably count as gay. Just for that, I’m not. Neither guy nor gay that is. But sexual orientation aside, the name is partially my love for fantasy genre, partially because I’m fascinated with English society and mostly because ‘shadowflower’ had already been taken by some pink-crazed German girl who hadn’t updated her blog since she signed in 2005.

I used the word ‘shadow’ in many abstracts and contexts. Corrupted by the Fantasy and Sci-Fi sections in bookstores, I have this imaginary world in my head as big as any MMORPG (massive-multiplayer-online-role-playing-games, if there are some of you who have yet to learn big acronyms. And welcome to English) and in that imaginary world, ‘shadow’ is a type of magic the imaginary people use to hide their spells’ technically. That’s another story however. Remind me to tell it to you someday.

Pimpernel is a type of flower that grows in England. A weed actually. Other weeds in England are Asians and Arabs (Indians, however, are no longer a weed since they taste so good when boiled in soups). I don’t necessary like the plant since I’ve never seen it outside the Internet but I choose it because I liked a short novella that’s older than Jane Austen called The Scarlet Pimpernel.

So by changing the first word, Shadow Pimpernel has almost the same scheme as the book, save it’s for my thoughts instead of suppressed French people. Whenever my thoughts or ideas get close to getting cut off, I save them in here, away from the real world. I just need a safe place for them, to think freely and let unbiased people see them get expressed.

If you don’t like what you’re reading, then ahead to another browser. If you think I’m a loner who needs a butt-**ck badly, leave a comment and maybe I’ll mention you in my next post. If you think it’s pitiful for me to exist since I’m writing miserable things about the people in my life, do leave a comment too.

In fact, leave all kinds of comment and maybe you’ll destroy my account’s bandwidth because I’m keeping my anonymity to protect my thoughts, my freedom of the individual mind. I’ll add some details from time to time, but the day I close this is the day the day I might actually hurt someone I care about with this blog.

So if you think I’ve hurt your feelings, go take a butt-***ck. You don’t know the feeling that’s blooming in me to finally get the s**t out for being totally honest.