MSN Messengar:

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

When a Blogger Looks for Puns...

: Hi! It’s us.
: And us.
: Which makes both of one to make a whole me.
: So it’s just me.
: And me.
: To the point, Quickening can’t come to the blog right now.
: Actually she can but she doesn’t want to think too much.
: So instead of our regularly sceduled 250+ word post-,
: I’m - we're - both of me - is just going to enter some nonsensical nonsense since none had sense save we.
: Don’t cut me off.
: I didn’t.
: Yes you did, I was going to say all that-,
: But I said them for you.
: You cut me off again!
: Did not!
: You always cut me off!
: So what if I did? We share one head anyway.
: You occupy too much space. I barely have room to think.
: That’s not true. I don’t think so.
: You don’t think, alright.
: Why you lil’ piece of-

*Fights like angel-devil they are. But they both like punts. Here are some pretty interesting ones the English language plays around with.*

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

: Right! That’s about it.
: And remember...!

What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

3 Minds bloomed here too...:

kyels said...


What a post to make my day.


Quickening said...

@kyels: Ze english is such weird lang-u-age, iz it not?


I like to see something like these in our local newspaper headlines.

Luke said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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