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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

You’ll Never See These In Any Bookstore

I’m supposed to be having my semester break starting last Monday. I’m using the term ‘supposed to’ in purely rhetorical terms because come hell or high water, I’m still going to battle NKVE morning traffic to secure my place in the PC workstation for the internet.

Cyber café? Naaaah...
I’m saving money to buy a new book. Witness my totally serious stance to literature.

I know what you’re thinking. Damn, my thighs are huge...*sigh*

I’ve read every book you see here at least once and it’s still not as much as I would like. I haven’t read enough books to declare which one would make an interesting review. I’m practically starved for fiction at the moment and my Nuffnang pay doesn’t come up this month. Checking around for second hand books though.

Granted, the book I planned to buy is something I’ve already sneak-read in The Curve’s Borders bookstore (if anybody found a RM$1 bookmark - that's literally is one ringgit - please, please return to this absent-minded beggar *boo-hoo*).

And the real book I would love to buy is still in hardcover and really, reeeeeeeeally wanted book... is no longer in publication (see my Wishlist). Most of the books I’m targeting are either in the romance or fantasy or mystery section. Preferably something with a third of each.

But you know what I really like to see? Not necessarily to read but something definitely interesting to browse through. Bookstores stocked with these titles. I swear you’ll never see books like these unless probably in a shady cult store.


Santa Claus’s Travel Guide: Includes nice places, not-so-nice places, nice-to-be-naughty places and regions hostile to unidentified flying sleds.

War and Peace; written in SMS language.

Pop-out Children’s Book: Teach them the Birds and the Bees Caution: illustrations in the pop-outs may or may not have been exaggerated.

Oxymoronic Dictionary: Where everything means the opposite of what it is.

Do-It-Yourself Acupuncture: A step-by-step instructional guide from ‘pincushion’ to ‘pufferfish’ to ‘Stick It Like How Julius Caesar Popped’.

Guide to Profanities and Obscene Hand Gestures: Get ready to spit the ***king crap out of your grandmother and her favourite lesbian stripper.

Must Watch Movies as divided into New Rating Scheme:
G-ratings (nobody gets the girl)
PG-ratings (good guy gets the girl)
R-ratings (bad guy gets the girl)
X-ratings (everybody gets the girl!)
XXX-ratings (everybody gets the girl, her mother-in-law and their Chihuahua)

Chicken Overkill Recipes: The best ways to prepare ayam kampung (free-range chicken) after you’ve ran it over with your car. Try the ‘Chicken Die Standing’.

Complete Illustrated Works of Karma Sutra: *no really, where the hell can you find a thorough and explicit comprehension anywhere nowadays?*

Fun Ways to Nearly Kill Yourself While Travelling: North Korean Edition (note: 1100 pages thick).

Malaysian Judicial System: Step One; cellphone etiquette. Step two; pretend ignorance of any video. Step three; escape to remote locations in Southern Hemisphere...

1001 Excuses You Can Use for Not Doing Your Homework: “...I’m currently going through déjà vu and amnesia at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

PS: On a more useful tip, I recommend Sams Teach Yourself Programming with Java by Rogers Cadenhead if you want to advance on Java programming. Either the author was high on a caffeine-beer mixture when he wrote this, or he really did have a candy-apple red thong underwear with embroidered text “My dog can beat up Paris Hilton’s dog.”

13 Minds bloomed here too...:

BaLQiz said...

Hey! I recognized most of the books you have on your shelf coz I have the same one too!

Aahh... to find a soul-craze-reading-mate especially on HISTORICAL ROMANCE is a rare find indeed!

Wanna swap? Err... I think not. I'm rather stingy when it comes to my books (-_-)

So what else do you have?

I've the whole collection of Julia Quinns, Johanna Lindsey, Amanda Quick, Calvin & Hobbes, Harry Potter (who doesnt?), and many other authors/books that I can't remember and all are in mint condition! Woohoo! High five!

Ok enuff enthusiasm from me. Time to save the whales now! Heard they are a bunch of illiterate bunch of punks so my job is to teach em to read everyday


Quickening said...

@balqiz: OMG, OMG nice to meet you! Quick and Lindsey I got. I have the whole set of Stephanie Laurens and a couple of Christina Dodd and some Lisa Kleypas as well.

I was thinking of looking for 'For the Roses' by Julie Garwood but what I really, really, reeeeeeeeally wants is Suzanne Robinson's The Engagement (continuation of Lady Dangerous) but that story was published 10 years ago and I can't find it even on *sniff-sniff*

Kimberlycun said...

wahhhh so many books!

Quickening said...

kimberlycun: Actually, it's very few... :S
I want more books-lar...

KaV said...

i have the PDF version of The Kama Sutra book... explicit indeed...

well, im more of a pirate, u see... most of my readings nowadays are in PDF format... I even got Harry Potter 7 within 12 hrs of the official release... hehehe

kyels said...

Most of my books are at home (referring to my parents' house) and what I have left here w/ me in the city are my might shelves holding core texts that I use in school.

Romance; not really my genre. I'm mor of a thriller, mystery, humanitarian, histories kind of person. But I do read romance once in a while; I love Paullina Simon's The Bronze Horseman (quite hard to find them in bookstores; took me quite some time to find it), Tatiana and Alexander and The Summer Garden (I'm still trying to find this book!). Her books are good reads, definitely!


Raising Mercury said...

i can see the harry potter goblet of fire book! hehhe, i have that printed version too =)

BaLQiz said...

Totally recommend you to red The Know-It-All by A.J Jacobs. It's sorta a memoir of A.J bout his quest to finish reading all the Britannica Encylopedia frm A-Z. Freakin hilarious!

It's one of the rare fiction book that I enjoy reading. Else, it's always Historical Romance :-)

I'm looking for Merely Magic by Patricia Rice and it's no longer in sale in Malaysia and the one I saw in Ebay cost double the price of a normal book! eeek!

Quickening said...

@kav: You evil, evil, evil genius. Sorry, the Kama Sutra request wasn't me really (for somebody I know whose wife is my very good firend). I'll take your word for it, though!

@kyels: I don't keep textbooks next to my bed so that's why you couldn't see in the picture. :P

Hm-mmm, I wanna give those authors you've mentioned a try. I checked Wkipedia and me likes the short reads... :)

@RM: I have the whole set of Harry Potters (can't help myself!). But Book 3 and Book 7 of mine are missing between my cousins! (What?! you gave it to Shikin? And she passed to Ummah and Ehsan and... *big extended family - alamak...*)

@balqiz: Okay, thanks! But I'm gonna have to take sneaky trips to the bookstore. I'm contemplating the Spiderwick Chronicles at the moment (must fill in void left by JKRowling :P ).

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